The Dangerous Combination of Narcissism, Bullying, and Racism

What do narcissists, bullies and racists have in common? A lot. And we're often seeing it in the same "house" among leaders who are hell-bent on doing away with diversity, equity, inclusion, and "wokeism." The culprit is the dangerous combination of narcissism, bullying and racism that we're experiencing.

"Love thyself and only thyself," says the narcissist

I researched and wrote about narcissistic leadership in graduate school, because I wanted to understand why my identity and value were wounded by my experiences with narcissists. The Narcissism Spectrum Model illustrates that narcissism is centered on self-importance with grandiosity and vulnerability also playing into this personality disorder. Their sense of self-importance is driven by entitlement, and their sense of grandiosity is driven by hubris and exhibitionism according to the model. But, if the narcissist doesn’t get their way, they become vulnerable, driven by defensiveness and resentment.

The thing is to figure out what type of narcissist you're dealing with. Will it be what Kristen Milstead calls the classic narcissist--your garden variety “Michael Scott” type who simply thirsts for attention? Will you be dealing with any one of the “Silicon Valley” characters who I see mostly as vulnerable narcissists--not thirsting for the spotlight but feeling superior to others? Maybe you will encounter the highly manipulative, sociopathic malignant narcissist. You know, like Drumpf.

My research introduced me to two troubling discoveries. The first is that narcissism has been labeled an epidemic by both researchers and practitioners. The second is that our seeing so many narcissistic leaders is actually a thing, because studies have shown that leadership training programs have inadvertently created at least a couple of generations of narcissistic leaders. History has shown us time and time, again, that a narcissist with power will do whatever is necessary to get their way regardless of how illegal, unethical or immoral their actions are. So, what's a narcissistic leader to do? Bully whoever they need to, of course.

They bully you, because you're a "loser."

Bullies care about two things--winning and getting their way. To do that, they feel the need to quiet their opponents. But get this, bullies actually have a sense of interconnectedness with their opponents as Joseph Burgo points out. So, in order for bullies to accomplish their missions, they bully others to either make themselves bigger or to minimize their nemeses.

The approach, as Burgo puts it, is "I am a winner because you are a loser." Bullying’s most common trait with narcissism, therefore, is a rage-induced feeling of superiority over people as they feel entitled to hold said position of superiority. To the bully, if you’re a loser or inferior, you don’t deserve to have a voice. So, what if the bully felt this way about, say, an entire race?

"I feel entitled to any and everything that I want, because your entire race is made up of losers."

Racism is rooted in the belief that one is superior to others based on race. That belief is expressed through prejudice, discrimination, and antagonism. Carl Bell took a look at how narcissism compromises racial harmony. He found that narcissists’ sense of grandiosity aligns with racists’ collective view of their superiority, and he found that narcissists’ power fantasies align with the racists’ attempts to dominate other races.

Bell also pointed out that narcissists’ angry response to criticism mirrors angry whites’ perception that Black folks are "pushy," something that we see when Black folks demand fair treatment in a social order that has been proven (and acknowledged) to be unequal. Of course, one of these conditions can exist without the others. But if you think very carefully, all three often intersect.

Together, we can ALL do something.

As one who believes that communities are stronger when all people feel valued, there are two things that I want to see. First, we need to focus on ethical leadership in all areas of our society. When we lock our sights on ethics, we focus more on identifying leaders who act in the interest of all people by affirming their presence, identity, and value. To do this, I believe that leadership development must change immediately.

Second, we need to abandon zero-sum, individualistic approaches to selecting our leaders. Narcissists, in particular, are highly skilled at dividing and conquering. As highly intuitive and manipulative people, they are masters of creating just enough chaos to cause dissension, thus guiding people to follow their most base instincts. To keep narcissists, bullies and racists from taking advantage of communities, citizens, members of organizations and employees must keep their eyes on the real prize of working toward a healthy, prosperous society.

At the end of the day, elevating narcissists, bullies and racists in leadership positions is dangerous--full stop. They have proven, repeatedly throughout history, that they will do anything to protect their interests even if it means betraying their own supporters. I believe, however, that there are more people who want to live in harmony regardless of their ethnicity, nationality, faith-based beliefs, lifestyle, or ideology.

We only have to do one thing--give a damn.